The starting line up saw A. Cheshire continue in goal, with Woodbridge, Strang, Rowlands and Brazill sitting in front - the centre back partnership of yesteryear. The centre of midfield saw Given and Humphrey start together with Peattie, Young and Moran in behind Clements as the spine of the team remained similar once again.

 

Almost immediately after kick off, the lanky pale frame of Strang was seen handballing under no pressure at all - preventing a Karpaz counter. Thankfully for the Swede, the decision was initially given as offside… suspect to say the least. From the resulting free kick, Given was chopped down whilst shielding the ball on the edge of the box, winning a free kick. The rest of the team need to get themselves down to the drama school he’s going to, worth every penny. The free kick saw Moran continue his knack of scoring good-but-not-clean goals, as his powerful effort was deflected past the tight pink top of the Karpaz keeper (1-0). The curse of Peattie continued, as a goalbound header was brilliantly tipped over almost straight from the restart to prevent 2-0.. Referee Andy Mirza was enjoying his morning, having decided to leave the rulebook at home, and gave Karpaz a questionable free kick of their own minutes later. Following a good save off the bouncing free kick, Cheshire (‘he might be little but man is he brave’, Karpaz #10, 2018) was powerless to prevent a Karpaz player tapping in the rebound (1-1). Humphrey was being riled up like a caged animal in the middle of the pitch, and received a yellow card from Mr. Mirza for his troubles. The dreadful playing surface was not conducive to good football, and neither team created much for the remainder of the half.

 

HT: 1-1

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Foley and Wiggy replaced Brazzil and Young for the start of the second half, as Vale switched to a 4-3-3. Wiggy picked up an injury shortly into it though, and Young came back on. Clear cut chances were again at a premium, as was basic refereeing - as a perfectly good tackle by Given was given (no typo) against Vale just inside the Karpaz half. The resulting free kick was misjudged by Woodbridge, and an excellent (and definitely not meant) finish was arrowed into the far corner by the Karpaz #3 (1-2). If it had been a televised game, viewers would have switched off long ago - but the ‘drama’ was not over. Karpaz failed to deal with a free kick into their box, and Given managed to convince the confused Mirza into pointing to the spot. Moran dispatched, bringing Vale level (2-2). Peattie picked up a yellow card for his troubles as the game went into extra time.

 

FT: 2-2

 

Brazzil came on for Foley, as the thought of extra time and another thirty minutes was welcomed by fans and players alike. Minutes into it, Humphrey put himself in the VCFC history books, and also led to betting being suspended for dick of the day. Chopping down a Karpaz midfielder, Mirza showed him the first red card in Vale history - and what a time for it (RED CARD - HUMPHREY). The ball went out of play and across the road by the pitch shortly after, with arguably the best bit of the game following it. First, there was a failed attempt by one of Clapham’s basics to convince anyone a VCFC women’s team is worth starting, and then yer da managed to kick the ball onto a taxi. Brief laughter was enjoyed by both teams, but that quickly returned to misery at the realisation there was still 20 minutes of anti-football to endure. Brazzil was then on the end of a tackle Karl Henry would have been proud of, and Andy Mirza probably missed - seeing as no card was shown. Karpaz’ owner, having already proved to everyone he has a limited knowledge of the laws of the game, decided it was time to share his knowledge of the human anatomy. Racing over to Brazzil, he gently squeezed his knee before declaring he was okay. Cheers Turkish Geoff, now get off the pitch. Mirza even managed to make a mountain out of a molehill of this, as his disinterest in actually reffing a game of football continued to break new ground.

 

ET HT: 2-2

 

There was precious little to report from the second half of extra time, apart from Given being harrassed by Karpaz players for having a headache (to the genius chant of ‘Given’s got a headache’), and some desperate defending by wearied Vale legs. However, there was the latest of late heartbreaks, as a free kick from the left evaded everyone and went in off the postage stamp.

 

Our brief journey into the London Sunday Junior Cup is over, with plenty to learn from following today’s defeat.

 

#utc

 

FT: 2-3 AET (Moran (6, 73))

 

Floom Man of the Match Award: Rowlands

Solfix Dick of the Day Award: Humphrey