Junction Elite Reserves 0-2 Vale County

Following some off the field drama, C.Cheshire started in goal ahead of A.Cheshire, with Woodbridge, Beck, Strang and Beer sitting in front. Given and Slater sat in the middle, with Young, Rowlands and Moran behind Clements.

 

Clapham Common Pitch 6 followed in the footsteps of Pitch 2, dreadful from the outset and continuing to get worse throughout the game. Garth (Crooks), the referee, for such a gripping encounter, told the captains before the game that he had no halo and makes mistakes - a notion that no doubt devastated Beyonce, and would also ring true.

 

County showed their attacking intent from the outset, with chances being created at will. A ball from Moran on the left was met by Clements, only for the Junction goalkeeper to channel his inner David Seaman and claw the ball out when it seemed destined to hit the back of the net. The breakthrough came when Young put Woodbridge into space on the right, and his overhit cross was headed by Moran. The keeper saved his initial effort, before Moran poked the ball against the underside of the bar before finishing his rebound. If at first you don’t succeed… (0-1). Junction had a couple of forays forward straight after, but were well marshalled at crucial times by the back four. The chances continued to come for Vale, with a blatant foul on Clements in the box being (remarkably) waved away by Garth, his halo nowhere to be seen. Beck and Rowlands showed none of the communication that led them to be known as Jug during the 2013-14 season, getting in each other’s way from a promising corner, as Young also headed wide when well placed. Woodbridge’s right foot remained in Guatemala, as he smashed a chance high and wide, before falling over with no-one around minutes later, as it began to feel like a second goal would never come - but thankfully it did.

 

A Vale corner was cleared high up the pitch by Junction, and between Beer, Woodbridge and the pale, lanky frame of Strang, the ball made its way back into the middle of the Junction half. A dawdle by a Junction midfielder allowed Rowlands to take the ball, and with a mixture of cheese and sweat streaming off his body he took it round a defender before finishing well past the keeper (0-2). Shortly after the restart, Beck took the opportunity to remind some of the Junction players what the score was, which was well received. New year, same Beck. Junction then got a free-kick in a dangerous area following a ‘foul’ by Given that Garth admitted he might have bought. Refreshing honesty but concerning refereeing. The free kick was well held by C.Cheshire, much to the disappointment of A.Cheshire. As the half drew to a close, the Beck show reached a crescendo, as a trip was followed by an excellent Phil Jones impression as he headed the ball whilst strewn like a salmon, and then he received a clearance straight into his midriff.

​

HT: 0-2

 

Foley, feeling extra fresh having preserved energy by not filling the water bottles, Humphrey and Peattie came on for Beer, Young and Clements at half time, as a full Vale XIV was fully utilised.

 

Vale had to withstand some early pressure by Junction at the start of the second half, but weathered the (slight) storm by defending in numbers. Rowlands got a yellow for a cynical foul, moaning ‘but it’s my first foul’, with none of his teammates helping him out. A £10 fine is coming to him from the FA, as is another £10 fine by the club for being a little bitch. Higher up the pitch, a Vale free kick allowed the opportunity for the Junction #4 to muse his thoughts on Beck to Strang. We look forward to welcoming the young gentleman to the next social, such is his judge of character ‘he just chats bollocks all game’. As Given said, they only have to see him for 180 minutes a year and are the lucky ones. Back to the in-game action, Humphrey spurned a good chance from 6 yards, and the Curse of Jake Peattie™ continued into the new year - despite some excellent work around the box. Foley had watched Bernando Silva’s performance against Liverpool extremely closely, buzzing around the pitch and buzzing off the pitch with his recovery from a hamstring injury. Cheshire made some excellent claims in the Vale goal from Junction free kicks, so much so he was even accused of playacting following a boot to the jaw. Fatigue began to play a part for both teams towards the end of the game, making the Junction WAG’s (inverted commas) job of filming the match even more miserable, with the standard of play dropping ever further. As it was, Vale saw the game out with ease for 3 points.

 

27 out of a possible 30 points, and level on points at the top with Kew Antigua B at the top of the SSFL League 4. 2019 is shaping up to big a big year for the County, so to start with a win and clean sheet was well received by all.

 

Thank you to our ultras - your support is appreciated as always.

 

#utc

 

FT: 0-2 (Moran (16), Rowlands (33))

 

Floom Men of the Match Award: Rowlands & Slater

 

Solfix Dick of the Day Award: Humphrey