Kew Antigua 'B' 3-5 Vale County
Marcus Lipton Cup 3rd Round
Raynes Park
04/04/21
After a 4 month break, the Vale train was up and running again following a pulsating encounter against Kew Antigua B at Raynes Park.
C.Cheshire started in net, with Woodbridge, Strang, Beck and Beer across the back. Dolby, Slater and the Cycling Centre Mid were in midfield, with Foley and Walmsley either side of Rowlands.
Rowlands had the first chance of the match, breaking free after some neat play between Given and Foley, forcing a good save down low from the Kew keeper. However after that Kew looked dangerous each time they countered, and following a couple of good saves from Cheshire, the deadlock was broken following some neat play from Kew on the edge of the box, the ball eventually taking no deflection off Beck’s leg and over Cheshire’s outstretched arm (1-0).
Rowlands was causing problems to Kew whenever he got the ball in the final third, and after the sighter of his earlier effort, smashed a half volley out of nowhere into the far corner to equalise (1-1). The game remained stretched at this point however, with Kew adopting the lesser seen 4-2-4 formation — and only some good (desperate?) defending from the whole team keeping the scores level. Given, Walmsley, Foley and Rowlands were getting some joy pressing from the front, and after a series of corners initially won through such pressure, Slater delivered one with an excellent ball which Rowlands powered home (1-2).
Just as Vale were beginning to assert some dominance in the match, a Kew corner was only half cleared, and Dolby was adjudged to have fouled a Kew winger just inside the Vale box. Despite his best attempts, Dolby’s protestations were in vain, and the Kew captain stroked the ball home to level the scores (2-2).
What happened next involved the most controversial piece of linesmanning since Turone exclaimed ‘I was flaggin’ ref’ in 2013. A Kew player was clearly 5-10 yards offside, and as he touched the ball and went through on goal, Wignall flagged. He flagged again. But no amount of flagging could stop the striker continuing on and scoring. Surely it would be ruled out? As it turned out, it wouldn’t, as the ref said ‘I don’t care if he’s 10 yards offside, if he’s not looking at the game I’m not going to give it’. An incredible way to run offside in Sunday League, but the goal stood and Vale were behind again (3-2).
Beck was LOSING IT by this point, and following a Kew corner being awarded, shouted at the ref he was fucking terrible, to which he got the response: ‘Would you tell someone in the workplace they’re being fucking terrible’? You wouldn’t steal a car, would you Doug?
Beer sent in two sumptuous free kicks towards the end of the half as Vale cranked the heat back up, which Strang and JR10 went close from again. Set pieces were causing chaos, with Kew unsure which of the ‘big ones’ they were picking up. Thankfully the equaliser arrived just before half-time, to cool the tempers which were starting to flare. A dubious handball decision against a Kew player saw a penalty given to Vale, and Slater made no mistake (3-3).
Linesman Wignall to Referee Sanders
HT: Inquiring as to the reasoning behind the decision to award the Kew goal just before half-time, the referee seemed strangely pleased to hear such a question, a smile emerging a little too quickly… rather, creepily, before he said: ‘What happened on the pitch earlier, can’t happen — this is you and me, we’re having a conversation about it’.
As the second half resumed, some good defending from Odjidja stopped some dangerous Kew counters down the left, whilst Humphrey was spraying the cross-field balls to Walmsley and Clements as Vale looked to get ahead for the first time in the game. The opportunity presented itself minutes later from the spot, as Rowlands threw himself to the ground following a totally in control challenge one-on-one from the Kew keeper, which definitely didn’t deserve a booking or further punishment. Slater stepped up again, but was denied by an excellent save.
The game became end to end, with chances for both sides. A free kick from Kew hit the bar, whilst some dangerous Vale play ended with a Zlatan-esque back-heel from Clements saw Slater attempt the hand of God, an action which could have been his last had he scored. Defenders should also know by now that Foley gonna Foley, and FF7 threw himself to the ground following no contact, unable to hide his glee as the free-kick was awarded, laughing away — of which he was then told to stop fucking laughing from the Kew full back. He did.
Vale pushed on though, and following a couple of crosses in from Woodbridge, Foley then picked out Given’s knee to send the Vale fans into raptures (3-4). What ensued was nothing less than farce, with Kew players swearing at the ref and themselves in equal measure. Two were eventually sin-binned, and four others began to walk off the pitch as the game was still going on.
In the seven seasons of Vale, there’s never been a ten minutes where the team was less sure of what to do. Possession became alien, positions became meaningless, and time was moving really, really slowly. A wild Foley appeared on the right flank, with only Humphrey ahead of him — truly, a false nine. No player went to close Foley down, and no player offered up to receive. For a fleeting moment, football had been lost. Thankfully it returned moments later as one of the Kew players starting shouting ‘you’re a cheating cunt’ at the ref. One of the sin-binned players then told the ref he’d been counting the time and he was now able to come back on — our man Scott saw the opportunity, and took it: ‘That’s funny because on my watch it isn’t!’.
The struggle to understand ball continued for a couple more minutes, before Rowlands broke free down the left and squared it for Clements who made no mistake from 10 yards out — putting the match to bed (3-5).
A quarter-final tie against Chiswick FC in the Ken Bailey Cup awaits next weekend, with the Vale faithful dreaming of a similar result next time out. Up the county.
VCFC Cups
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Ken Bailey Cup (SSFL Leagues 1-3): Quarter Final — Chiswick FC, April 11th
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London Cup: 3rd Round — Forza Greenwich FC, April 15th
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Marcus Lipton Cup (All SSFL Leagues): 4th Round — Sporting Crabs, April 18th
FT: 3-5 Rowlands (22, 32), Slater (45), Given (80), Clements (89)
Custom Kit man of the match: Rowlands
Floom dick of the day: Dolby
There's only one thing I'm interested in....and that's winning headers'