Lokomotiv Wimbledon 3-3 Vale County
Wandsworth Common
26/01/20
Following a defeat last weekend to Kew Antigua, Vale drew with Lokomotiv Wimbledon in a game marred by the complete absence of refereeing standards.
Starting XI
A.Cheshire started in net, with Woodbridge, Beck, Strang and Beer across the back. Dolby, Given and Slater were in midfield, with Peattie and Walmsley either side of Young.
Contrary to recent matches, Vale started the game extremely quickly - with Dolby, Slater and Given finding themselves with time on the ball in the middle of the park. A couple of half-chances for Peattie, Young and Walmsley came to nothing, but it was all Vale.
Following some neat play in the middle of the park, Slater was through one-on-one following a through ball from Young, and dispatched a low shot past the keeper, as Vale’s sustained pressure came with reward (1-0).
The game quickly reached a flashpoint, with a penalty being awarded to Vale after Young was clearly fouled in the box. In the aftermath, Peattie called the fat central defender a donkey, to which Eeyore took offence and raised his hands to Peattie’s face. Matteo, the young man refereeing today’s game, showed red to the Lokomotiv player (RED CARD). However, this was to be the last decision he gave Vale’s way for the remainder of the match, 25 minutes in.
Young stepped up, and took an excellent penalty - making it 5/5 from the spot from the season according to Al (2-0).
Emphatically dispatched by Young for 2-0
Then strange decisions started to happen… a throw in was a) given against Vale despite it clearly being booted out of play from a Lokomotiv player & b) then allowed to be taken roughly 30 yards higher up the pitch. Lokomotiv nearly scored from the throw, as Woodbridge cleared the cross narrowly over his own crossbar - and it’s a good thing for Matteo that it didn’t go in.
Wandsworth Common is home to many a dog walker on Sunday mornings, but it appeared that one had cut loose from its lead and was playing upfront for Lokomotiv (in very tight shorts). A strange creature, the striker made animal noises and grunts with unerring frequency, as well as having tourettes in the form of making bullshit calls. ‘Who are you?’ he cried at a point, the question he asks himself in his empty dog bowl every day.
Having done very little of note all half, Lokomotiv were given a suspect free kick on the halfway line (a recurring theme). The set piece wasn’t properly dealt with, and the (decent) Lokomotiv midfielder dispatched a shot past Cheshire into the far corner of the net (2-1).
HT: 2-1
The second half saw Vale kicking into the wind, stemming the flow of some attacks. Foley and Clements were linking up well after coming on at half-time, although clear-cut chances for Vale were few and far between. A bouncing long range effort from Lokomotiv was well dealt with by Cheshire, on a rare Lokomotiv foray forward.
The third did arrive for Vale though, as Slater slid the ball through to Clements, who took a touch before firing a low shot into the far corner of the net (3-1). His first goal since the leg break just over a year ago - we’re all pleased to have you back fit and firing big man.
370 days later...
Vale kept possession well following the third goal, moving the 10 man (though who knows if Matteo was counting), but the ref continued to break up play and award Lokomotiv a free kick at every opportunity. Matteo had a particular hatred for Dolby and Clements, for whom shielding the ball was deemed an offence every time - leading to freekicks being wrongly awarded to Lokomotiv on the halfway line at a rate of almost one every two minutes.
It was indeed a set piece that got Lokomotiv back in the game, as a corner landed on the six yard box - and even a stunning triple save from Cheshire on the line wasn’t enough to deny the Lokomotiv player, as at the fourth time of asking he halved the deficit (3-2).
Having done little since their second, Lokomotiv were somehow level. A high ball into the middle of the park saw Strang two-on-one, with Woodbridge caught high up the pitch - and after a coming together with the winger inside the box, the ref blew (and was likely delighted to do so) for a penalty, despite Al asking for four in the wall. Up stepped the centre back, and he smashed the penalty home to equalise (3-3). Disbelief for everyone in pink.
Vale upped the pressure, following the equaliser, but Matteo was determined for his boys to hang on for an unlikely point. Slater had a handball given against him when it clearly hit his chest, at a point he’d have been through on goal - but by this point the decisions were no surprise any more. After understandable outrage from Vale at the call, Woodbridge was summoned to Matteo. The ref explained that Vale are ‘disgusting’, and that Woodbridge is ‘disgusting’ for allowing the team to abuse him in the manner they were. He then went on to state that he’d end the game with less than 6 players on our team. At this point we’d only been shown one yellow card and zero sin bins - so the natural next step to say you’ll send off five players... get a life Matteo.
Following yet another bullshit call, Given shouted ‘you’re fucking shit’ from the sidelines. Matteo walked across, and brandished the second red card of the match to Oli Pinto (RED CARD). Farce had descended upon SW11.
Vale pressed hard for the winner in the final minutes, but crosses from both flanks wouldn’t drop for anyone in pink, and momentum was hard to maintain as play was broken up every couple of plays by the most infuriating sound in the world - Matteo’s shitty little whistle.
Laughing and joking after the match with the Lokomotiv team, you won, Matteo. Enjoy the £40 refereeing fee, I hope it makes you happy. Dear lord, what a sad little life, Matteo. You ruined our morning so you could engineer a draw and have the money and I hope now you can spend it on lessons in grace, decorum and a FA Basic Referee Training Course. Because you have all the refereeing quality of a reversing dump truck without any tyres on.
The blow of the draw was softened by the news that Kew Antigua had drawn with Wimbledon Wolves, leaving the title in Vale’s hands. Up next it’s a league match against Putney Pacers, who Vale will also play in the last 16 of the Marcus Lipton Cup. As long as Matteo isn’t reffing, promises to be an entertaining encounter.
FT: 3-3 Slater (15), Young (25), Clements (60)
Floom Man of the Match Award: Slater
Solfix Dick of the Day Award: Matteo Milanesi