Vale County 2-0 Lokomotiv Wimbledon
Raynes Park
01/09/19
Vale’s SSFL League 3 campaign began with a hard-earned but well-deserved victory over Lokomotiv Wimbledon. The unfamiliar surroundings of Raynes Park, and unfamiliar kick-off time of 12:30 were of no issue for the Vale, with this season beginning with a win - as was the case last season.
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Following an unbeaten pre-season, and tipped by other SSFL League teams across Twitter to be League 3 champions (we’re fucking massive), confidence in the Vale camp was high heading into the season opener.
C.Cheshire started in net, with Woodbridge, Strang, Beck and Mackenzie (Mr Gilbert voice) across the back. Given, Wignall and new recruit Dolby populated the middle, with Peattie and Young out on the wings supporting Rowlands. Rowlands Snr was in attendance on the sidelines, wondering again how he’s gone from taking Rowlands Jnr to the Southampton academy to hearing Doug Beck tell the opposition striker that ‘think that’s 6-0 in headers to me this half?’.
Vale struggled to settle in the opening exchanges, with balls down Vale’s left in particular causing issues. Unable to keep the ball for a sustained period, Vale’s only joy was coming on the counter, with Wignall and Dolby feeding Rowlands and Young. Wimbledon weren’t allowed any clear efforts on goal, despite their pressure, however. Anne-Marie, the lovely referee, had decided that jumping in any form other than a pencil, was to lead to a free-kick against the protagonist. Peattie, Woodbridge, Mackenzie and Beck were serial offenders, but it was to be a Vale free-kick from the same offence that led to the opening goal. Wignall put a sumptuous ball into the box, where Rowlands firmly met it with his head for Vale’s first goal of the season (1-0).
HT: 1-0
The second half saw Odidja come on for Dolby, both hurting from Ole still being at the wheel. Rowlands dropped into a deeper role, with JP9 heading up top. This gave Vale a better balance in possession and out of possession Kalvin Phillips and lanky mophead for Wimbledon were getting less time on the ball.
A free-kick routine from the boys in pink nearly led to the second goal, with Wignall’s cheeky chip to Odidja headed across goal where Rowlands couldn’t quite convert. However, the second did come minutes after. A break down right eventually led to Rowlands being knocked over by a clumsy Wimbledon tackle - with Anne-Marie pointing to the spot. Wignall stepped up, and like Gerrard in his pomp curled it into the corner for Vale’s second (2-0).
Given showed us that his season of shithousery last year was no one-off. First, given (you see) the opportunity to kick the ball back to Wimbledon following a suspect drop-ball, he kicked it out of play (B+). This was then followed by a typically shameless attempt at deceit and trickery, throwing himself to the grass on the edge of the box (C). Arms in the air, Anne-Marie just don’t care OG.
An inspired jog by Rowlands down the left saw him hold off two or three equally slow men, before putting in a ball that fell to Young, who couldn’t get enough power in his shot to trouble the keeper or force Vale’s third. By this point Rowlands was laying strewn on the ground, gasping for air and thinking of his post-match cheese muffins. Odidja went down in the box minutes later, with it looking a stonewall penalty. Anne-Marie was unmoved, and it didn’t go to VAR review. @FA what’s going on?
The new sin-bin rule was applied during the second half for an unknown comment to Anne-Marie, who sent the player to the sin-bin for 4 (FOUR) minutes - someone wasn’t paying attention during the league meetings were they now… following his sin-bin, the big lad muttered walking off the pitch ‘fucking stupid bitch’. Good to know he learned his lesson.
Diligent and committed defending from Vale saw the game out, with the pale lanky Swede (Strang) calming his ever more irate partner in crime Beck down, following a contentious decision on one of his tackles. Strang’s asked me to include his goal-line clearance, and as such we will not give it more than this sentence. He hasn’t asked me to include my annual cheeky backheel, but as I heard him exclaim ‘oh!’, it’s getting a mention. Shouts of ‘their keeper’s hospital’ amused Cal in net (and disgusted grammar fanatics), with a chuckle being heard from Ali Al-Cheshire, Wigan’s finest. Indeed it was him who had the last laugh, with a clean sheet secured on his League 3 debut - with a questionable offside call by the injured Jimmy Brazzil confirming this. In Jimmy we trust.
FT: 2-0
We start as we mean to go on, with a solid performance and a clean sheet. A competitive pre-season has paid off, with fitness levels stronger than the opening match last year - something that should stand the Vale in good stead for the months to come.
#utc
FT: 2-0 Rowlands, (40), Wignall, (60)
Floom Man of the Match Award: Strang
Solfix Dick of the Day Award: Beer
EXTRA TIME
(This is a new section for this season, where I’ll be noting anything before or after the game that got the crowd going)
On the (victory) train back, we were treated to Beck’s deliberation of what he was going to cook a lucky lady tonight for a date. Pasta was ruled out on the grounds of being too obvious, and there wasn’t enough time for a roast. Young, the cosmopolitan man that he is, suggested Prawn Linguine - scoffed at by Beck on pasta grounds. On the girl herself, we’ve been informed she’s ‘bloody clever’.
Check next week’s column to find out how it went.
'she's bloody clever to be fairrr'