Vale County 5-1 Real Northern
Clapham Common
17/11/19
Vale made it through to the third round of the Marcus Lipton Cup following a comfortable victory on the mud of Clapham Common. Up next in that cup? The auld enemy themselves, Kew Antigua B.
Starting XI
Oliver Given's Starting XI
A.Cheshire started in net, with Woodbridge, Beer, Beck and Odidjia across the back. Dolby, Slater and Given were (sometimes) in midfield, with Foley and Walmsley either side of Rowlands in a 4-3-3.
Cheshire saved well a couple of minutes in after some slack defending to keep the scores level, but it was all Vale aside from that. Rowlands hit the post early on, after being closed down well by the (decent) Real keeper, and then Walmsley did moments later.
Good work down the left from Foley ended with him being tackled, but Rowlands jumped on the loose ball and followed in after his initial shot was saved (1-0). Beer and Beck’s request-a-bet was off to a good start. The Vale onslaught continued down the flanks, often fed by Dolby’s trademark through balls. However, the second goal came from route one football: Beck launched a ball downfield to Rowlands, who flicked it on to Walmsley - with the Fulham fan finishing well from a difficult chance (2-0).
The oldest player in the SSFL was being given a torrid time by Walmsley down the right, more and more grey hair falling out of him as the game progressed - with Beck and Woodbridge just pleased to not be the greyest on the pitch for once.
Vale’s xG continued to rise with the scoreline remaining the same. First, a ball across the box from Rowlands was begging to be put home by Given, but he slid and missed the ball, before good work down the right from Walmsley and Given ended with Woodbridge shooting meekly at the keeper to collective despair from the Vale faithful, and Rowlands asking ‘what are you doing here, get back’ - a fair question.
HT: 2-0
'I'm just a right back... get me out of the opposition's area!
Vale’s third came shortly after the start of the second half, as Given bundled home via both feet for his first goal of the season following good work from Rowlands - after Bernardo Foley had won the ball back high up the pitch (3-0).
The Vale onslaught continued, with chance after chance coming and going. Vale all but secured their place in the next round when Walmsley played it through to Rowlands, with calls from Real towards their linesman in vain, and the lumbering Vale number 10 finished into the bottom corner (4-0).
With the game descending into nothingness and entertainment levels low, Beck then channelled his inner Phil Jones and John Terry by attempting to head / elbow / shoulder the ball from the ground against a Real attacker, resembling a writhing worm in the process.
There was to be one more goal in it for Vale though, as having hit the post moments earlier, Slater dribbled past a couple of Real defenders before seeing his curling shot saved and come back out to Given - who was placed on the goalline for an unknown reason (5-0).
There was to be a small blemish on the performance today though, with Cheshire coming to claim a loose ball on the edge of the Vale box before realising he was on the edge (much like with his shorts today) - so having to push the ball away. It came to a Real player, who lobbed the Vale defence well (5-1). A brief spell of Real pressure followed, culminating in Odidjia and Beck at arms with one another, following Beck’s (funny) slip when launching a ball downfield from a goal kick. ‘Shut up’ was shouted by someone across the pitch - couldn’t have put it better myself.
The Given hattrick in tribute to Dirk Kuyt was nearly completed in the final minutes of the game, as his header hit the Real keeper in the face - but he kept it out. To be honest we’d never have heard the end of it, so thankfully it stayed out.
'HOW MANY GOALS DID GIVEN SCORE TODAY?'
The Vale train makes a detour to Prince Andrew’s favourite town next weekend, with an away day in Woking in the Surrey Cup - with the squad looking forward to visiting the infamous Pizza Express afterwards. Choo choo indeed.
FT: 5-1 Rowlands (15', 65'), Given (51', 72'), Walmsley (35')
Matchday wasn’t over for everyone though, as Strangspeare in Love had an away day in Clapham. Greeted with a cacophony of boos from the home fans, he was unable to put in the performance required to progress to the next round of the cup - and he left empty handed.
FT: 2-0 Robyn (57’), Strang o.g. (86')
Floom Man of the Match Award: Given
Solfix Dick of the Day Award: Beck & Odjidja
EXTRA TIME
This week: the Vale social the weekend before results in carnage, and Brockley’s manager shares his passions outside of football following the VCFC drubbing.
Just an example of the laughs we have here.
PTSD from losing to Vale