Sporting Club Balham 2-5 Vale County
Raynes Park
15/09/19
Vale went marching on in the SSFL League 3 with a 5-2 win against Sporting Club Balham, played in a sweltering heat at Raynes Park. Top of the table after three games, VCFC the early pacesetters.
Starting XI
A.Cheshire started in net, with Woodbridge, Boug*, Beer and Odidjia across the back. Given, Slater and Dolby were the midfield three, with Peattie and Young out on the wings supporting the lumbering Rowlands once again. In the stands this week was James Brazil from Getty Images.
Vale started the game quicker than last week, with Rowlands and Peattie instantly linking up down the left flank - Peattie’s pace in particular causing problems for the Balham defender. Indeed, Vale’s first big chance fell to Peattie after he burst through the middle of the static Balham defence, but he fired straight at the (large) green sumo in goal.
Down the other end, Sporting Club Balham were choosing to employ some less-than-sporting tactics to get ahead in the match. Prior to a free-kick from deep, one of their players told the referee to ‘watch for hands’. Watch for hands he did, as the player then threw himself to the ground with no contact from Decklass Boug. Boug then stood over said player, and shouted in his face that he was a ‘little bitch’ - such claims cannot be argued with.
Little Bitch FC were a goal down minutes later though, after Odidjia threaded a beautiful ball through to Rowlands, who shrugged off the attentions of the Gypsy King centre back, before finishing well past the keeper (0-1).
Given, Dolby and Slater were giving a good balance to the midfield, whilst Beer and Wreck were keeping things tight at the back. All looked good for Vale heading in for half-time.
HT: 0-1
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Following a successful (and correct) mutiny at half-time, Walmsley came on for Peattie on the left, with Farr replacing Deck. Deck had to leave for a Radio 2 festival with Mum Deck in Hyde Park, featuring Westlife and Pet Shop Boys among other acts from before his time. wwwwwWest End Becks.
Balham came out fighting for the second half, and were proving more dangerous down the flanks than the previous fourty-five. However, their equaliser was of Vale’s own making. A throw in from Odidjia went to Beer, who passed to Cheshire… via a bobble that allowed the Balham striker to nip in and tap home (1-1). And people are saying Pep Guardiola isn’t having an influence on the SSFL League 3?
The game became stretched following the equaliser, stretched like…. anyway. Balham had a couple of set pieces that came to nothing, and were then undone by Vale on the counter. Walmsley stood his man up, before lifting a delightful ball through for Young, who calmly lobbed the onrushing green bowling ball in net for his third of the season (2-1). Quieter game than last week for Charlie, but then again there weren’t any girls on the sidelines today. Fans of Stoke under Pulis are fans of Farr - with the weapon we’d all been waiting to see was unleashed by from the right flank, a throw-in sailing into the Balham box for Rowlands, but no-one could get on the end of his flick-on.
The Balham pressure continued though, and they got a second equalizer. A ball over the top caused panic, and Cheshire came through the striker inside the box - with the referee pointing to the spot. The penalty was calmly dispatched, with Vale disbelieving that this game appeared to be slipping away from them (2-2).
There was a water break called for by the referee, who was struggling to keep up with an ever more frenetic game. Young was substituted for a recharged Peattie for the final fifteen minutes, and Balham switched to a back three - which was to be their hubris.
A minute after Peattie was lucky to stay on the pitch for late challenge, Slater danced down the the right, beating two defenders before putting the ball on a plate for the goal hungry JP9 - who promptly gobbled up the delectable dish for (2-3). Sophie-Ellis Bextor smiled somewhere, as the initial Vale remix of her smash hit ‘Murder on the Dancefloor’ was given a rendition at full-time as a result. Perhaps if the original lyrics had been decided by Cal Cheshire, you’d have reached #1 and not peaked at #2 Sophie.
'Jake Peattie scored a goal'
More was to follow however, as buoyed by his first goal, Peattie got on the end of Slater’s chip to lob the onrushing (loose term) keeper and grab his second of the game (2-4). ‘You’ve doubled your tally for last season Peattie’ was said to Vale’s number 9 several times on the pitch. To confirm though, Peattie doubled his goal tally for last season this match.
Balham’s half was now desolate chasing the game late on, and Rowlands then ‘shimmied’ past the Gypsy King for a final time before firing into the bottom corner to confirm the three points (2-5).
Peattie makes it 4...
...and Rowlands makes it 5
Vale come away with a win, but know that cutting out the half-hour spell of ambiguity each match is needed to continue winning ways next week - at home to South London All Star XI. Still, nine points from a possible nine for now. Up the County.
FT: 2-5 Rowlands (20, 90), Young (65), Peattie (83, 85)
Floom Man of the Match Award: Peattie
Solfix Dick of the Day Award: Beck
EXTRA TIME
Last week: Ed Strang’s life was in the balance as he was rushed to Whittington Hospital following serious trauma in our match against Wandsworth Warriors.
This week: The ghost of Ed Strang travelled to Vietnam crutch-free and was pictured enjoying the sights and bars of Hanoi.
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A circus of tricks on and off the pitch