Vale County 4-2 Wandsworth Warriors
Clapham Common
08/09/19
Vale made it two wins from two in the SSFL League 3 following a 4-2 victory over Wandsworth Warriors. New season, same shit on Clapham Common - despite the change from pitch 2 to 8 - with a dog fouling in the box before the game (and the pitch being equally as terrible).
A.Cheshire started in net, with Woodbridge, Strang, Beck and Beer (deciding to join us this week) across the back. Given, Slater (welcome back) and Dolby were the midfield three, with Peattie and Young out on the wings supporting Rowlands again. In the stands this week were Brazil (suited and booted from a successful evening), Foley (rib), Gwatkin (Vale ultra) and Mrs Young (spiking young Charlie’s testosterone levels).
Vale had evidently watched Southgate’s England at Wembley yesterday, with a high press from the front three causing issues for the laborious central defenders, or ‘warriors’ as I’m sure they’d like to be known. Pathetic. Indeed, the first goal came from ROWLANDS PRESSING HIGH (yes that is correct) and winning the ball from a goal kick before floating a cross into the box - which Dolby headed home expertly for his first Vale goal (1-0). Pressure continued immediately after the goal, with Peattie, who had started the game brightly on the left, missing a golden chance to match his tally for last season. A ball dropped to him 10 yards out in the middle of the goal - but he blasted over.
Wandsworth were sparked into life all of a sudden, with their bench remarking that ‘they’ve got names on the back of their shirts you know? Bro I swear they are doing it just to wind us up.’ Yes, when we decided to get names on the back of our shirts in Birmingham in 2013, we were waiting for the day we could wind Wandsworth Warriors up in London, 2019. Their 3-5-2 was causing Vale some problems, and their goal duly arrived minutes later. A ball from the right was allowed to bounce in the box, and a cheeky chip from their striker left A.Cheshire stranded - as Vale conceded their first of the season (1-1). Somewhere in Wigan, C.Cheshire was laughing.
Before half-time though, things got worse still. A free-kick from out wide wasn’t properly dealt with from Vale, and after it was put back into the mixer a second time, it fell to their captain who promptly dispatched it into the bottom corner (1-2). Misery for the County just before the break.
HT: 1-2
@Zonal_Slater (niche Twitter reference, someone other than Rowlands or Strang please get this) delivered a tactical speech at half-time that roused the boys in blue. Immediately on the front foot, half-chances dropped the way of Vale. First, Walmsley, on as a half-time substitute, caused havoc with Rowlands, the ball pinballing around before it somehow went wide. The ever feisty Odjidja showed his displeasure with the ref after the decision for a corner was reversed to goal-kick. Garth Walcott’s tones continued to bore us all into submission as he gave some half-hearted reason back.
The goal duly came, with a throw-in from Woodbridge finding Slater, who wriggle, wriggle, wriggled through the porous defence before shooting. The Warriors keeper spilled the shot straight at the feet of Rowlands, who stabbed home to equalise (2-2). Warriors heads dropped, but a scrappy passage of play ended with disaster minutes later. A lanky pale Swede went up in the air, and came crashing down with a loud click. Down on the ground, Given picked the ball up to signal a break in play for the injury - but Walcott blew for a handball (not for the last time today). A stricken Strang lay on the ground, but Warriors players squared up to Beer (a natural reaction). Fair play to the Warriors manager, who came on to help Strang. Class, respect from an AFC Wandsworth fan. Strang went off, and will likely remain off for a few weeks. Get well soon big guy.
Beck (Dumb) and Beer (Dumber) went up for a header together, clattering into one another in the process. Heated words were exchanged, before Beer backed away, far away from motormouth.
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Beck and Rowlands were also involved in an exchange of words, as Beck’s tirade against his teammates continued. Rowlands made a run into a channel, but wasn’t found by Beck. ‘You’re fucking joking’, exclaimed Rowlands, after Beck accused him of not making the run. ‘Run: move at a speed faster than a walk, never having both or all the feet on the ground at the same time’. You decide who was in the wrong...
Vale’s tempo had continued amongst this idiocy though, and went in front following some extended pressure. Walmsley showed some twinkle toes to keep the ball in on the left, before chipping to the back post for Rowlands to head back across. Young, after a cheeky wink to his missus of ‘I’m going to send the crowd wild here’ stabbed home to send Vale back ahead (3-2).
Minutes later, pressing down the right from Woodbridge led to a disastrous pass inside by the Warriors fullback, which left a gaping goal for Young. Given cried ‘Yesss!’ but the square posts of Pitch 8 cried ‘nah’, as Young’s left footed swing came back off the upright. Good thing you scored two others today eh Charlie?
As the game became more stretched than Beck’s jaw after a couple of pills, Young, Walmsley and Rowlands were constantly in acres of space. The clincher came after Walmsley set Young free down the right, who then cut inside before firing into the far corner (4-2).
Towards the end of the game, a ball down the right from Wandsworth appeared to have gone out of play. As such, Woodbridge picked it up to unleash yet another weak throw - only to hear the whistle to go for a free-kick. Foley and Gwatkin could be heard guffawing on the touchlines… ‘well, Foley, you should see that it was actually out, you don’t wear glasses because you’re worried people think you have a peahead.’ Beck could be heard shouting to the ref that the lino ‘wasn’t even looking, he’s eating a banana’, to which the retort from a Warriors player was ‘he wasn’t eating it with his eyes.’
Thankfully the game ended minutes later, with Given relieved we held on to our precious one goal lead at 3-2.
FT: 4-2
Made hard work of it today, but two wins from two is what counts for now. Onto next week, and an away tie at Raynes Park vs Sporting Club Balham. Viva Vale County.
#utc
FT: 4-2 Dolby (20), Rowlands (52), Young (70, 78)
Floom Man of the Match Award: Young
Solfix Dick of the Day Award: Woodbridge
EXTRA TIME
Last week: we were wondering what Beck would cook his lucky lady. We can in fact reveal they went for a steak, which is definitely more inventive than pasta.
This week: Beer’s no-show last week prompted speculation over his inclusion in the Vale starting XI this week, with some black-market bookies even taking bets on this. A £10 wager has been rumoured to have been between Beck & Beer on the inclusion of the defender, perhaps why they had their lovers’ tiff on the pitch today. Stick to Hinge fellas. Rubbi Beer, Rubbi.
