Vale County 2-1 Wimbledon Wolves
Clapham Common
20/10/19
‘Expected goals (xG) measures the quality of a shot based on several variables such as assist type, shot angle and distance from goal, whether it was a headed shot and whether it was defined as a big chance’ (Opta, 2019).
We can only imagine what the xG was in today’s encounter, but we do know it wouldn’t have been in Vale’s favour. However there’s only one statistic that ultimate counts eh Wolvesy boys? 2-1 to VCFC and we go marching on with a perfect record, you get another digit added to the losses column.
C.Cheshire started in net, with Woodbridge, Beer, Beck and MacKenzie across the back. Given, Humphrey were in the middle of midfield, with Foley and Young on the flanks - and Peattie upfront with Rowlands in a 4-4-fucking-2.
With the pitch looking even worse than normal, the match began. There were a few early sighters for both teams, as the match started quite openly - even if quality was ultimately low, helped in no small part by the lack of grass on the pitch.
A delightful free kick from Beer (back with us after entering the void in Phonox Friday night), met the head of Rowlands - who knocked it back across goal for Peattie to finish (1-0).
The rest of the half saw Wolves creating numerous chances, finding themselves free at the back post more often than not. If they hadn’t been trying to score a goal straight out of FIFA12, they’d likely have been 1 or 2 to the good - with volleys being fired over from close range numerous times.
The pale lanky Swede was on the sidelines today, thinking:
HT: 1-0
Odidija came on for MacKenzie at half-time, with Walmsley entering for Foley. Early on, the tone was set - as Wolves won themselves a throw-in high up in the Vale half. Early on there was a great interception from Given - prevented a clear cut chance for Wolves. Minutes later though, they should’ve had an opportunity from 12 yards.
A free kick came in and was defended, before the second phase saw it come back across goal. With a Wolves player bearing down on the ball, Woodbridge decided to flick his hand at the ball. Uproar from Wolves, awkward eye contact with Toby Katz, Humphrey shouting ‘good hands Barn’, but the stonewall penalty never came.
Sitting deeper and deeper, Rowlands became ever more vocal in his boredom at defending throw-ins from Wolves. The count must’ve reached 50 by the end of the game, making for a fantastic spectacle for all those on the sidelines.
Beer’s favourite Skybet market ‘next corner’ would’ve been suspended in the second half, such was the onslaught. They kept coming and coming, but were defended well for the majority - with Cheshire tipping one or two over, and Beck, Beer & Rowlands heading an inordinate amount of balls. A scissor challenge in the box from Beck came after the whistle had already gone for a foul on a man in blue & white, much to Vale’s relief.
Into the final quarter of the game we went, and a bullet header from Wolves appeared to be drawing them level - but Peattie somehow got his head to the goalbound effort, diverting it onto the underside of the bar before heading it out (for another corner) as it came back down.
Corner #39 was to prove decisive, however. With their xG approaching 6.2, Wolves powered in a near post header from an outswinger (1-1). Shouts of ‘let’s go on and win this’ from the silly little Wolves boys came back to bite them, however.
The clock ticked to 90+6 (highly debatable where this additional time came from), with SSFL accumulators around the country being ripped up. But where there is Peattie, there is a way. With Toby Katz having signalled this was the final play, Cheshire launched a goal kick downfield. Scarred from the previous thunderous challenges he’d seen, the Wolves centre back panicked under pressure from JP9, allowing him through on goal. An entire County held its collective breath, but the man in form dispatched it into the far corner (2-1). Cue a Rowlands RKO on Peattie & subsequent pile on - the scenes we live for in a match we’d all like to forget.
Wolves took the resulting kick-off, and Peattie thundered in one final time to earn himself a well deserved yellow card. Vale successfully defended the resulting free kick, and the final whistle sounded.
15 out of a possible 15 points. 6 wins from 6 matches in all competitions. Winning sexy, winning ugly. Vale County: Mes que un club.
FT: 1-2 Peattie (21, 90+6)
Floom Man of the Match Award: Peattie
Solfix Dick of the Day Award: Humphrey & Beck
EXTRA TIME
This week: Our opponents today embarrass themselves on social media by mocking us before the match. Check the form guide first next time lads.
